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  • Brock was a livewire at five.  His nightmares were consuming his awake times, scared of even birds singing.   Finally the memories of the abuse by his father broke loose like a dam.  Brock had lived with abuse since two and never told anyone because of the indoctrination of his abuser.  Now the healing could begin.

  • Julian's "all shall be well" does NOT suggest that "tomorrow things will be better", but that in that Great Day, God's will shall ultimately be worked in all His creation, and that even now, "the sweet eye of pity and of love never departs from us, and the working of mercy ceases not."

     

     Julian believed that humanity is of almost utmost value and worth, that humanity is the supreme creation of God, the divine gift of the divine Father to the divine Son, possessed of a "divine will that never consents to sin, nor ever will", virtually participating in the divinity of the Trinity itself, Sin is inevitable, and yet there is in us the divine will.  We err, we fall, but we are only defined truly by the ceaseless and changeless loving of us by our Creator/Redeemer, not as gods, but as God-made men and women.

     

    "Or Lord was never angry, nor ever shall be.  He cannot be angry.  It would be impossible."  She states that the reason we see wrath in God is because the wrath is in us, and that in our own blindness, we project and attribute our wrath to God.  God is impassible, totally unassailable by any passion (such as anger) and ever unchangeable (not subject, for instance, to a beginning and or ending or "wrath").  The familiar "wrathful God" is an Old Testament God... one described in that Kindergarten of God's revelation of Himself... and not the God of perfect Love manifested at Bethlehem and on Calvary.  Wrath is contrary to the entire character of God.  Jesus said "I did not come to judge the world but to save the world."  All of Julian's revelations are concerned with that divine love.

     

    As far as the conflicts and the sinfulness of the world, and the goodness of people, she lived with this in the era that she wrote on a daily basis and she resolved it with... not solving the contradiction, but remaining in the midst of it, in peace, knowing that it is fully solved, but that the solution is secret (in God) and will never be guessed until it is revealed.

    "I believe sin has no manner of essence nor any portion of being, that it is nothing, that it is no deed, that all of us carry within our souls a divine will which the image of God never consented to sin nor ever shall and is so good that it can never will evil, but always good, that we are enclosed, enfolded, enwrapped, enclothed constantly in God that at all times God is nearer to us than our own soul, that He is with us in the highest of our spiritual flights and the lowest of our physical needs.  Sin is only known by the pain it produces, and we are protected in our Friend's hand." 

    To those who can find no comfort or hope in a hateful, vengeful, and punishing God, Julian introduces the power of faith... "Look, you have faith in the immeasurable goodness and power of God, but in the face of that you can't understand the existence and power of sin and its resulting pain.... forget trying to understand it.  Trust that faith of yours, and leave the understanding of the paradox to God's own revelation in His own time.  He knows all that you know, and He has it all under control."

     

     

    Deb's meager thoughts:

    I just find her Faith in God so amazing, that through all of the sin and vileness of the world she lived in, that she still was given such insight into the heart of God!  She has found so much love, and expresses it in such a way that I find very encouraging.  What I have read so far of her writings, and the descriptions of her writings, have helped me tremendously in understanding how much God loves me, and everyone else.  I don't know why, when so many others have tried to tell me how much God loves me, and I have read so much, and all of it I believed, but something in Julian's writings and the way she expressed her insights, has touched me so deep.  I have read a lot more, and could continue to share and share and share.  Marlin and I talked a lot about what I was reading as I was reading it and I just love sharing and talking about it.  But... I figured this was a long enough email, and that if anyone wanted more, I could write another one lol

  • I think it is true that the Catholic Church is 100% correct in it's teachings, that is why I joined the Catholic church...

    Many Catholics do not believe that others outside the church will not be going to Heaven and I think this is wrong... what I think?  I think that in the Catholic church it is easier to know what we need to "do" (not a works thing) to become more like Christ wants us to be... meaning... we have many sacraments and blessings that help us to be filled with Grace.  The more Grace that a person has from the Holy Spirit, the easier it is to continue on in this world full of sin. 

    Now... don't get me wrong... there are many many Holy people who are not in the Catholic Church and there are people outside of the Catholic church that I consider Saints who will never be Canonized...

    It is hard to say.  I don't believe that all the churches are 100% correct there are a lot of faulty doctrine out there, I believed that before I became Catholic.  There is a lot of bologna out there too... such as Kenneth Copeland, he is a current one... he is heretical, and all through history there are a lot of people who preached heresy, even within the Catholic church.  There are a lot of sinners in all faiths, including the Catholic church... The people in each and every church are sinners... all of us are.  That is the problem.  The teachings of each Faith are the part that we need to look at in determining whether a church is right or wrong.  The thing I found about the Catholic Faith is that it does follow the Bible totally... there are parts of the Bible that I never heard a satisfactory answer to, but I found it in the teachings of the Catholic church.  I have always believed in tradition as a way of life also, and the Catholic church has passed down a lot of tradition in their Faith also which goes right along with Biblical teaching.

    I find that the sacraments in the Catholic church are a much more tangible way of worshiping Jesus Christ than what I had before and many of the teachings of the "traditional" church are the same, just simply different terminology.  I mean... the Eucharist is Communion, as a protestant in a traditional church, that was a word I was not familiar with, and it scared me half to death and so I thought the Catholics were wrong.

    I had to get used to the idea that the Eucharist is actually Christ's Body, that took some questions and a lot of Faith for me, but once I understood it and read in the Bible the parts that support this, then I understood.  There were some other things too, such as infant baptism, but once it got down to brass tacks, it is basically the same thing as what I believed before, just slightly different, and once again after I read the scriptures in the Bible supporting this, then it was easy to understand.

    Is the Pope infallible?  The Pope is only infallible when he is speaking ex cathedra (I think that is what it is)  In other words, on a normal basis when the Pope is speaking he is not considered infallible, he is a sinner just as all of us are, and yes, I believe he is a very Holy man, and should be respected for what he has to say, just as others are.  I believe that Mother Teresa was a very Holy women and I listen when she speaks... you know... there are people who know what they are talking about and it is time to listen and follow suit lol... Anyway... there are certain conditions in which the Pope would be considered speaking infallible, and it doesn't happen very often.  There are some popes in history that are horrible sinners... I mean they had concubines and they were thieves, it was basically a political position for them, and it was in the family type of thing, but when they spoke infallibly, it was the word of the Lord, and it matched up with scripture.  That is the thing... God said that His church would stand the test of time and would not be taken down... (paraphrased by Deb lol) and it has, even through all the crap of history that all point out that is bad about the Catholic church... But... the church remains with the same teachings of over 2000 years and it is the teachings of Jesus Christ Himself.

     

    How did the infallibility of the Pope type of thinking come about?

    It is because Christ gave the Keys of the Kingdom to Peter and to Peter alone.  There is a lot behind this, there are many places in the Bible that show that Jesus was speaking to Peter as the "leader" of the Apostles and that Jesus was giving this authority to him.

     

  • See Jesus sitting across from you. What would you say to Him?~


    I think that I would simply want to "be" with Him.  I don't know that I would want to ask anything... there are so many things that I want to know about Him, about the future, about Heaven etc.  Yet, I don't want to know either.  It is hard to explain other than I simply want to trust in Him to bring to fruition His will and be able to do so without the knowledge of what it will be.  I want so badly to simply depend on Him and get rid of my selfish nature to want to know about everything.  Why do we as humans have to be in so much control, why is that such an issue.  At least it is with me.  I don't want to be that way, yet something in me makes me be this way and it is a constant struggle.  It is like what I wrote about the tornado.  I know that it is wrong to want to look, wrong as in dangerous, yet I still want to look.  I want to see it... it is like something's I can't just look at, I want to touch it.  Does it make it more real to me?  I don't know.  I still think it has to do with the control issue, if I can't see or touch it then I don't have control.  I have to have faith in so many things that it is difficult for me to add even more.  This is what I don't want.  I don't want to need to be in control.  I desperately want to allow Jesus to be in total control over everything in my life.  I want to let go... why can't I?

  • On wanting to see the danger coming ~

     

    I think it is really just human nature to want to see what is coming, maybe it is a trust thing, and we don't want to be taken by surprise because we don't know what to expect.  When I was little we lived on a cul de sac, and when there was a watch or warning, we would go out and look (how stupid can you get)

    I used to chase tornados and storms when I was older.


     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    You know what?  When that tornado that hit Hesston in 1990 hit, it was 1/4 mile wide and you couldn't see it from the house I used to live in when we would go out and look. 


    The damage that was done by that one tornado was so extensive and killed 4 people.  It was on the ground for 40 miles and it did horrible horrible thing.  I saw the video of it.  I can't watch it, it is like watching something evil working it's way through my town. 


    I cry just thinking about it, how it tore apart everyone's lives in this area and in our town.  It brought the town together, but you know, I thought my parents had died and it was horrible.  I had to contact the red cross to look for them and to tell me if they even had a house left or not. 

     

    I went and helped with the clean up and that was traumatic to see all of my friends that were away from home, all coming home to clean up after all the destruction... it was terrible to be walking and picking up pieces of people's lives as you walk along and put it in a garbage bag, and take another step and there is more...the area was simply covered with stuff from people's lives.  I cried the whole time.


    Needless to say.... when there is a tornado warning now... I don't look, I hide and cuddle with my family and tell them how much I love them and not to be scared because God will take care of us and protect us, and that we are together.

  • Journey into the heart of God....

    At the beginning of my journey, it was important to see how much God loves me.  In fact, I frequently have to keep returning to that spot at the beginning of the journey.  Sometimes it looks different and it may be a side trip off of the path.  It might be a different place each time, I am not sure.  As I go on, I begin to see how that love He has starts to show through me to others.  Through my words and actions.  I start to see the need and the desire increase to be with God.  As I journey closer to God's heart, it is no longer simply a desire, it has become a deep seeded need to be with God.  I see the need to communicate with Him more often and on a deeper level.  I see the need to listen more.  At the beginning of my journey, the conversations I have with my Lord are pretty much one sided, and then they become more of a conversation with listening and talking of both Him and I.  Then, it becomes something much more special in that I simply bask in the presence of God.  I see my desire increasing so much that I just want to be with God and listen and learn and simply be.  At the end of my journey, I hope and I pray that those around me will be able to see God shine through me in everything that I do.  That others will see and believe and be able to advance in their journey, not because of me, but because of what they see through me.  I am looking forward to what I will see at the end of my journey, because at the end of my life's journey, I will be with God in Heaven and I will truly see Him!  Oh, what an awesome reward that will be :0)

  • This is the story of what happened with the birth of Nate, when I had a "near death" experience

    well... several things... first I was abused during my pregnancy and the doctors now attribute part of my problem from that.

    The placenta had grown into me and wouldn't release for over 1 hour, the doctor had to go in (with both hands) and try to get it out.  Finally it let loose, well, by that time I was loosing way too much blood.  I tended to do that with my first too, but not to this extent.  Then I started to go into shock and I know that I started to die.  I lost my hearing, and they were working on me and I saw a light in the corner of the room and I was leaving... I was running... it was my way out of the horrible situation I was in.  I heard who I thought was one of the nurses whisper in my ear that I now had 2 boys that needed me to take care of them.  I later found out it wasn't a nurse.  Anyway... I stopped, and basically turned around and came back. 

    Then I was in so much pain and had a massive infection and had to be on IV antibiotics for 4 weeks.  I almost died from the infection.  Then... I had a D and C and there was part of the placenta still in me causing the infection.  That helped, stayed on antibiotics to finish clearing it up.  I was still having pain and then they found that I had a blood clot in my pelvis due to all the stuff they had given me to stop the bleeding initially... this was a very high risk of killing me too, but it didn't.  I had to be in the hospital again for 1 week to dissolve the clot.  Then... I was finally on my way to healing. 

    Then 2 weeks later... Nate ended up in the hospital with RSV, and almost died from that...

    Anyway... we are all okay now, and glad to be alive.... most of the time anyway

  • My_Jesus_is_alive


    In response to: "The Catholic Church is more tied to mysticism than any of the eastern religions. When the church lost the connection to the power of God they replaced it with cheap imitations to prove connection to God" and "My Jesus is not dead. He has risen."

    mysticism in the Catholic church is greatly misunderstood, I misunderstood it myself... but... now I understand.  A mystic is someone who is with God, who communes with Him continually.  Very in tune to what God has to say and what He wants in our lives.  It isn't the same as in the Eastern Religions where they believe in magic etc...

    As far as that thing about the casket... it had nothing to do with the Catholics... it had to do with archeologists, and as far as Catholics are concerned, me and others that I have heard comment on this, it is simply proof to the world that Jesus existed... nothing had to be proved to Christians... we already knew.  The shroud is simply something that touched Jesus... you wouldn't want to see something that Jesus actually touched?  I think that many people want to go to the Holy Lands... to walk on the actual ground that Jesus walked on, I would.

    As Catholics, we focus very much on the living Christ, more so than protestants from my opinion... every mass Catholics talk and focus on the living bread of Christ.  Communion is given so that Christ can be present in us as we go out into the world.

    There are a lot of misunderstandings related to the Catholic church... I know... I had them lol

    For me at least, a lot of it had to do with the terminology... like mystics, that word scared me half to death. 

    oh, and one more thing... the Catholic church hasn't lost the connection to the power of God.... if you ever walk into the Nave of a Catholic church... you can actually feel Him there.  I feel closer to God daily...

  • A new beginning.....

    hmmmm

    a clean slate

    white as snow

    everything good and bad gone

    not even having to correct the mistakes you made, they wouldn't be there.

    a new person

    a new creation

    a new start in life

    Isn't this what God did for us by sending Jesus?

    He sent His only Son to save us for our sins, wipe our slate clean.  He created a new covenant, a new creation in each of us.  He died for us, and made us white as snow.  When we ask for forgiveness, He washes us clean and everything, I mean everything that we did is gone, out in the vast sea of forgiveness, never to be remembered by God again.  When we accept Jesus as our Saviour, He does all of this for us.  We die with Him with our Baptism and become a new creature. 

    2 Cor 5:17-21
    17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. 20 Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God. 21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
    NKJV
    Can we as the imperfect humans we are living like this?  is it possible?

    Being human, we are not able to forget the past, it has to become a learning tool to proceed on.  But... we also must know that for God, it is forgotten, because He is God and capable of doing so.  We are not, and depending on our use of free will, will determine how much we remember.

ondrun

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