May 5, 2003

• See Jesus sitting across from you. What would you say to Him?~

  
  

  I think that I would simply want to "be" with Him.  I don't know that I would want to ask anything... there are so many things that I want to know about Him, about the future, about Heaven etc.  Yet, I don't want to know either.  It is hard to explain other than I simply want to trust in Him to bring to fruition His will and be able to do so without the knowledge of what it will be.  I want so badly to simply depend on Him and get rid of my selfish nature to want to know about everything.  Why do we as humans have to be in so much control, why is that such an issue.  At least it is with me.  I don't want to be that way, yet something in me makes me be this way and it is a constant struggle.  It is like what I wrote about the tornado.  I know that it is wrong to want to look, wrong as in dangerous, yet I still want to look.  I want to see it... it is like something's I can't just look at, I want to touch it.  Does it make it more real to me?  I don't know.  I still think it has to do with the control issue, if I can't see or touch it then I don't have control.  I have to have faith in so many things that it is difficult for me to add even more.  This is what I don't want.  I don't want to need to be in control.  I desperately want to allow Jesus to be in total control over everything in my life.  I want to let go... why can't I?

  • 8:50 pm
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