July 13, 2003

• Food and Emotional Journal

  
  

  Today Eli is having a really bad day and my health is horrible.  I went to go to church this am with the boys, although they were not acting the best and I had a blow up AGAIN with my mother.  She was once again commenting negatively on my parenting .  I then set my boundries and of course she got mad and hung up, oh well, it is no longer going to effect me.  Anyway.... I went to put gas in the car so we could make it to church and I got really dizzy pumping the gas.  I held on to the car.  When I went into pay I fell down, oh lovely day, good thing I have nearly no pride left lol.  So... we came back home.  You know... I really don't like the idea of distracting people during worship .  Well since that time, Eli's behaviour has deteriorated greatly.  He went from hyper, climbing on the furnature and not listening to destroying my things.  I promptly grounded him and told him he could destroy things in his room that are his, not my stuff.  I have talked to him and talked to him until I was blue in the face about this and due to my ill health today (still dizzy)  I really couldn't deal with it very well.  Someone recently said they were the evil mom... oh, it was Anna I think, because she was raising a wild child or something like that.  Anyway... I would beg to differ, I am the one that is such a bad mom, I can't control my children, and they just get worse during the day.  I DO know this isn't true, it has to do with my ds past abuse and his emotional issues.  It simply gets wearry sometimes.  After that, I was shaking, not sure if it is the usteadiness, the prednisone, or anxiety at this point, but as I was putting my younger ds to nap, I was thinking about chocolate.  I have a brownie mix and I wasn't going to even mix it up and bake it, I was simply considering melting some butter and mixing it in there and then eating the dough.  I know, I know, I am very bad, and I really can't believe I admited that.   But... after thinking on that, I heard a little voice in my head say I really didn't want to do that... it would be bad for me and it was definately emotional eating.  So... I am eating a brunch of grapes (not a big amount, just one of those bunches ) and drinking my Diet Pepsi.... trying to be a good girl.  So... with all that said, here is my food so far today:

  
  

  
  

   2 chili cheese dogs - now, before everyone falls down from shock of how unhealthy that was, let me tell you, the hot dogs were totally fat free, and the chili was very low in fat and made from turkey, not beef.  The buns were low fat and the cheese was low fat also.  I would have had no fat cheese, but it doesn't melt well. 

  
  

  1/2 pear slice in it's own juice - not sweetened.

  
  

  20 Saltine crackers

  
  

  1 small bunch of green seedless grapes

  
  

  32 oz of Diet Pepsi

  
  

  64 oz of water so far

  • 4:32 pm
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