June 8, 2003
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Plain Clay Balls I remember reading a story once about a man who was exploring some
Author Unknown
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caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag
with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled
up some clay and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look
like much, but they intrigued the man so he took the bag out of the
cave with him.
As he strolled along the beach, to pass the time, he would throw the
clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could throw.
He thought little about it until he dropped one of the balls and it
cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone.
Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each
contained a similar treasure.
He found hundreds of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay
balls he had left, then it struck him. He had been on the beach a
long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their
hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of hundreds of dollars
in treasure, he could have taken home thousands, but he just threw
it away.
You know sometimes, it's like that with people. We look at someone,
maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't
look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or
sparkling, so we discount it; we see that person as less important
than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But
we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that
person by God.
There is a treasure in each and every one of us. The Bible says we
are fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't think he means just our
physical bodies. I think he means our spiritual selves, which are
sometimes hidden from others by the *earthen vessel*. But if you
take the time to get to know that person, and if you ask the Father
to show you that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins
to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly
smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration
that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in
him and is willing to trust him with his friendship.
* * * * * *
This is what I feel like today... a clay ball. I feel that there isn't anyone here in my physical life as opposed to my internet life, that cares about anything I am going through. I have been in such pain that I can barely walk... in years prior to this, I wouldn't have been walking. The tops and the bottoms of my feet feel as if they have pins sticking all the way through them. The balls and heels of my feet feel swollen like an injury and painful like a bruise. Yet, I have certain things that I have actually been forced to do today, and then when I didn't do it the way someone thought I should have, I was told that if I had done it a more reasonable way, then it all would have been okay, therefore it was my fault. I have been told that I am vane today because of the way I handled something. I explained that it wasn't a vanity issue, it was related to pain once again and I was ignored. Then when I asked for some help with my boys, I was told I was a bad mom for handling it the only way I could with the pain that I was having. I had asked Mom to take the boys and I to Mass since I knew that on a good day they would be difficult for me to handle, and this pushed my mother farther away from the Catholic Church. So did some other issues today. She is angry now that I am Catholic and that I am raising the boys Catholic. It wasn't the service, it was the idea that I had to go to Mass even in the severe pain I was in, that if I didn't I would have been sinning. She said that was wrong and that the Catholic Church had too many rules. I actually agree with her about it being wrong for me to go to Mass today..... and I tried to explain to her that it wasn't the Catholic Faith that had forced me to go to Mass.... it was another entirely different issue.... but she wouldn't see it that way.
Soo.... today I am a clay ball, I am priceless on the inside and worthless and dried up on the outside. I would also be easily broken... if not already. Unfortunately, I am not sure that anyone would see the priceless part of me if I was dropped and broken... I think the priceless part would still be hidden. I many times have trouble finding it. I highly doubt that anyone else can find it at this point. I opened myself up to trust and I'm now thinking that I opened up too much. Something, I am not sure. I must have done something wrong to have caused all of this. The people in my life are very good people and they are Christians and they don't treat anyone else like this. I have always been treated differently by those that love me than the way others are treated. I am not sure what I do that pushes people in the way in which they think they need to control me, and if I don't do it their way, I am wrong. Even my Spiritual life has been questioned today, or at least that is what it feels like. If I knew what I did to people, you can bet, I would change it in a heartbeat, or at least I would start working on it in a heartbeat.
I am sorry that I have been complaining with this blog entry, I really wish I could write good, and like many of the other writers I am around right now. They write such uplifting and insipiring things, and there there is me, just complaining all the time. I know that I am suppose to start writing things that are on my heart to help in healing, and also to write things that I know about, that is what makes good writing. Well, sometimes I think that there is so little inspiring things in my life that there is nothing to write about that would inspire anyone, and that simply breaks my heart.
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